Lds 1st XI smash Vauxhall to remain 5th

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!!!!! WARNING !!!!!

Foreword.


All season we had not been looking forward to the long away trip to Luton but after today’s performance we wouldn’t mind playing there every week as we put Vauxhall to the sword with no mercy.



Chapter 1

The Journey.

The meet today was preceded by a couple of us visiting Starbucks for the mandatory Large Latte, another player going to the Hairdressers, others going to ballet class with children but the strangest event was Amanda arriving early!

We set off in convoy for the meet at Toddington Services some 95 miles away in high spirits and amazingly all arrived at the 2nd meet point within 10 minutes of each other. Several players visited the deli section of Marks and Spencers and Duck in Hosin Sauce made its appearance along with a few salads and the odd yoghurt – Oh and another few Grande Latte.

With tummies now full and following a couple of visits to the loo we set off on the final leg of our journey, the remaining 9 miles to the pitch.

As we approached the ground we found ourselves directly in the flight path of the runway at Luton Airport and call after call of the most predictable words came out of players mouths – “look a plane – there’s another one – and another, WOW” Couldn’t see that coming. Very Sad.

It was during this last leg though that I became the subject of a vicious vendetta by Captain Marie and her Pants Of Shame! Just because I missed the 40ft wide x 15ft high entrance to the pitch along with an illuminated sign that could be seen from Venus and had to take a detour through the local shopping centre car park before doubling back to the pitch, I get the PANTS OF SHAME this week. So unfair.


Chapter 2

The pre-match

We were shown to our changing rooms, which unfortunately had the heating turned up full, and stunk of something rancid! But this was nothing compared to what was about to be revealed.

If I told you that one of our team had been photographed from the rear with nothing on from the waist down, sticking her bum out in a pose she had obviously done many times before, some who read this would be intrigued, but when I tell you it was our Chairwoman Val with the biggest bruise covering a whole cheek of her A*** I’m sure like me you will be looking forward to seeing this on line very soon. (Lisa this is your challenge for your return).

The warm up was also interesting as the conversation continued for quite a wile about contraception devices and methods, all ranging from the Injection to implants and the coil. I think sometimes they forget I’m there!

A brief chat later and we were ready to start.


Chapter 3

The Match

With the table so tight we knew we had to get something from today’s fixture to remain in the hunt for survival – something we undoubtedly deserve.

Within 6 mins we had found ourselves in the perfect position with firstly Amanda Petrie scoring from a well-worked PC quickly followed by Anna Neilson again from a PC putting us 0-2 up.

But after 9 mins Vauxhall had been awarded a penalty stroke after a very dubious decision against Amanda. Despite Donna Carlisle’s best efforts the Vauxhall striker put away her chance to bring the scores back to 1-2.

Again my heart began to flutter a little harder with worry – surely we can’t be pegged back again ------- not today folks.

Before ½ time Marie Dymond and Laura Skaife had extended our lead further to see us go in at 1-4 up. But if the truth were known it could have been more.

Not much needed to be said at the break but goals were the definite order of the day for us with the possibility of goals difference coming into play by the seasons end.

We started the 2nd half as we finished the first with 2 more goals in quick succession firstly again from Anna then with a great solo effort from Kath Lee which was only separated by a goal from Vauxhall very much against the run of play. 2-6 and wondering just where this would end.

As the seasons hard work began to take its toll a little fatigue began to set in and despite Anna completing her hat-trick from another great PC Vauxhall replied with 2 of their own 4-7.

But we are nothing if not resilient and fit as hell. As the girls got their second wind, up popped Laura to complete her brace, taking the score to 4 - 8 with a fine strike, but it was left to Anna to seal the win and record a remarkable individual tally.

Again a well worked Pc saw her fire in from close range and a fantastic piece of instinctive finishing saw her deflect a terrific strike from outside the area to complete the scoring at 4 – 10 and seeing her score a remarkable 5 of the very best.

Vauxhall 4 – 10 Derby Asterdale


Chapter 4.

The Conclusion

We have played so many times this season at our opponents pace and level / style of play but today we played at Our Pace and to Our Style and what a difference it made.

The penalty corners were devastating, converting 5 of 10, the fitness was superb.

Anna's award of Player of the Match was as inevitable as myself getting more grey hair before seasons end. Well done Anna you totally deserved this as your performance today was not just about the goals but your all-round play. Brilliant.

We sit tonight in 5th place but now only 2 pts behind 4th with 4 games to go.

Saturday sees the visit of neighbours Ashbourne to Wilsthorpe with a 12 noon push back in a vital game for both teams.

If we continue in the same manner as over the last 2 weeks we can look forward to another good Saturday Night next week.

One thing we have to decide on is are the Pink Shoes Lucky! I'll let you, the readers, decide if I should continue to wear them.

Now let us rest and look forward to just one more month of:-

OMG>>>>>>>What a result!

Well done you lot! I have a lot of work to do when I get back in order to fit back in to such a fantastic team! Ummmmmmmm!

I may ask Gill for a placement??? Lol

Andy, send me the Pic and you know I can work my magic with it!

Well done Ladies.... Excellent result.

Nearly as good as Andy's golf swing on Sunday....!!!! unorthodox or what.... And there's no way your getting a 28 handicap Andy..

See you all on Saturday.

Nigel

Nigel,

My name is not El Bandito I'm as honest as the day is long. To think I would try and squeeze a couple of shots off you guys hurts. I'm wounded.

I wont take a shot less than 27.5

You saw me hit my 4 iron on Sunday I couldn't get past the 220 yd marker. I'm useless........................ Honest.

Guinness on me Saturday after the win.

28?

Ok this may not make sense as it's taken ages to log on from mobile access on a train with rubbish reception n I've been drinkin since before midday. Apparently it's called networkin... Ugh. Anyway, in less than 7days you guys have doubled ur wins for the season so in the nx few games I reckon you can double it again. Ur on a roll n keep rollin girls (n Mr pink shoes). Luv ya. xxx.